What I wish I knew

I had a complete Crisis of Confidence, a term that I have coined and which has the perfect acronym – COC.

When I was thrust into leadership as the CEO of Lew Geffen Sotheby’s International Realty in 2017, not only was I the only female leader out of the top five national brands, I was also the youngest.

I was swimming in a sea of testosterone, where the males around me were not only business savvy, but had been there a lot longer. I had a complete Crisis of Confidence, a term that I have coined and which has the perfect acronym – COC.

In response, I began to do the silliest thing; for some unknown reason I started wearing ties and bowties. After a couple of weeks I looked at myself in the mirror one day and thought: ‘Yael you look like such a shmuck.’

I was turning away from myself and trying to fit in by coming across as a more masculine woman. I am all of 5 ft 2 inches and, although I curse impressively, I am essentially quite feminine – and in femininity there is power!

There and then I decided to go back to being me, because I realised that I actually deserved to be in that position and I certainly didn’t need a tie to make myself more confident or acceptable. I decided that whenever I felt insecure again, I would rather turn my filters into foundations.

Turning your filters into foundations

The tie episode was me trying to filter my insecurities. I was more concerned with how I was seen in the world than how the world would perceive me. When we experience these COCs, as we all do from time to time, instead of looking to cover them up with filters and fake, rather try to replace these insecurities with foundations.

Make an effort to acquire a better knowledge base, find a mentor, join networking forums, put your hand up and ask questions. We are so afraid of being exposed as less than perfect that we land up being more comfortable under a rock.

However, no one will ever promote you or give you a platform to shine if you are hiding under a rock! I have become so passionate about teaching how to overcome your crisis of confidence that I actually present keynote talks for entrepreneurs and organisations, because it’s so polarising, and once you see the light it’s such a powerful tool.

Treat yourself as a company whilst treating your company as a company

Creating your own personal brand identity is equally as important as creating your company’s identity. Too often we ignore the personal aspect and focus completely on the company.

Virgin would not be Virgin without Richard Branson and all the incredible initiatives he has conceptualised, as well as the charismatic way in which he leads the brand.

In fact, the personal aspect is critical because people fall in like, love and hate with people. And a well-known fact is that people want to do business with people they like and trust. Establishing my own personal network (something I like to call my mastermind group), turned out to be even more important than creating a business network and the two feed into each other.

This group has helped my career trajectory more than any other factor. We will all fail at some point and by developing a strong personal brand and network you will have your mastermind group and cheerleaders beside you, helping you to get back onto your feet again.

You want to be the person that people want to root for, not the one they take delight in watching fail.

Compete only with yourself and strive to beat your own personal best

Too often on our journey we get caught up with what our competitors are doing and who the newcomers are and how they differ from us. Oftentimes, by focusing on the competition and by playing catch-up with them, rather than sticking with your own strategy, you become distracted and actually erode your core positioning and unique differentiation.

My father Lew, our Chairman, taught me a great lesson here: there was a new real estate entrant, a complete market disruptor that burst on the scene and started shaking things up, thereby challenging the entire real estate industry model. Some competitors reacted quickly and started investing in companies like this and some even launched a similar model as a new offering. My father said: ‘Vasbyt! They will come and they will go, I have seen this before.’

Murphy’s Law prevailed and that company is not even around anymore four years later. It was a great example of why we shouldn’t get distracted. And, also how reaching out to a business mentor can be a great resource.

Your job is to survey the competitive landscape and, yes, to keep on top of the latest trends and innovations, but not to the extent that you dilute your own business positioning. I like to compare it to running a big race like the Comrades, where you are aware of the people running alongside you, but you are focusing on yourself and only beating your own personal best.

Collaborate, collaborate, collaborate – treat your success as a dot-to-dot drawing

I have met many people along the way who ask for opportunities; speakers, trainers, entrepreneurs who ask for access to a powerful network like mine. If I see value in what they offer I will allow them access as it’s a mutually beneficial energy exchange. It leads to business for them and allows you to ask a favour in return at some point. We are not in this alone.

It makes all of us better as an industry. Make sure that when you are at the head, you do not practice from a place of scarcity, but from a place of abundance. Everyone has a place. I compare it to the dot-to-dot drawings which we did as children and, by looking at three-month horizon lines rather than becoming overwhelmed focusing only on the big picture, we get there faster.

You do not have to be an expert of everything. Repeat

I used to do my own social media but, in truth, I sucked at it and for a small fee a month I could get someone better to do it for me. Why would I want to spend my time doing something that I’m not great at and where my unique skillset and talent aren’t valued?

Time is my currency so I am very particular about how and where I spend it. This was a waste of my own resources and not my strongest point, so choosing a young hip professional was the best decision and investment – it allows my unique voice and area of authority to reach greater destinations and platforms by using the skills of someone who is superior in that area.

When time is your currency, and it should be as an entrepreneur, it’s important to resource and see what better serves you. Especially in sales; always get back to people swiftly and communicate effectively. There is nothing more impressive than someone who responds immediately. It makes the person feel heard, seen and appreciated.

However, set clear boundaries where you don’t have to be accessible all the time and can restore and self-preserve with down time. Make that information known to all so it doesn’t feel like you have abandoned ship.

Own your content and own your voice

No matter how busy you get and how many empires you build, make sure you are still the master of the content that you put out into the world. I was out walking with an acquaintance who was checking her social media and she said: ‘Wait a minute, you’ve just posted on your feed but here you are walking with me.’ I said, no, I do not have the job of distributing my information, but I do write my own content and have the same unique voice in everything that goes out in public.

Lead from a place of authentic confidence

Unless you are a peacock trying to attract a mate, or a game ranger and being chased by a rhino, there is no need to puff yourself up and posture in our everyday world. There is a huge difference between self-inflation and self promotion.

Self-inflation is fake and deceptive, much like smoke and mirrors, whereas self-promotion is improvising and celebrating wins from a place of authentic confidence. Know who you are and what people admire about you and focus on that.

You may think you know your strengths but you could be wrong. Do exercises like the ‘5 x 5’ and ask five people closest to you from different circumstances – one a friend, one a colleague, one a family member, your spouse and even your child – to describe you in five words. Do StrengthsFinder and personality tests and focus on where that overlap is, and that is your authenticity quotient right there. That is what you focus on in communicating and networking; that’s your powerhouse and it’s authentically you. Being self-aware will accelerate your success!

Put your hand up for everything until you can afford to say no

On my journey, what got me noticed a lot quicker was me signing up for everything, whether it was being a speaker on a panel, or writing an article, even for no fee, or joining powerful networking groups and associations. People don’t know that you are doing freebies and it actually doesn’t matter, as long as you work it for effective selfpromotion, and achieve what was asked of you from a place of service. This also affords you the opportunity to ask powerful and respected industry leaders for testimonials, recommendations and referrals. Every panel I have attended, every competition I have judged, or event that I have spoken at, has created new leads and return-oninvestment (ROI) for my business.

On company culture

Accept accountability and admit when you are wrong! Lead from a place where your team can respect you and don’t fear you. Let them make mistakes, because seeing you cover for them creates such loyalty that they will not want to let that happen again. Invest in your team’s emotional and mental health. Share, be vulnerable but have boundaries.

I tend to only hire solution-oriented people. Staff who focus on problems bring the whole team dynamic down. There is nothing wrong with pointing out issues, challenges and disruption, but having a ‘Debbie Downer’ who is fixed on the problem versus the solution slows everyone down.

Each team member can contribute to (or even cause) the team’s success and demise – share that responsibility, and when things go wrong create a culture where your team allows you, as their leader, to be proactive rather than reactive. If you get that right as a leader, it’s a gift!

MY BRILLIANT BURDEN

I suffer from a Bi-polar condition and have made a point, since I came out publicly about my struggle with my condition, to help stamp out the stigma of Mental Health in the workplace. I was once let go at an advertising agency in Los Angeles because I confided in them and let them know I had a relapse and the new meds had slowed me down to a blur where I couldn’t think properly. They let me go a month later. It was cruel and heartless.

If that happened today I would have taken them to court. Mental illness should be in the same category as any medical condition like diabetes or an autoimmune disease. Yet it’s not. The families with loved ones who are experiencing this are also in crisis because they don’t understand it and don’t know what to say and what not to say. There is little to no support for families and friends. People also don’t know the signs of someone who is about to attempt suicide including the person suffering. One of the signs is that they become happier and you think “Thank God they are becoming themselves again”. Again, this is not public knowledge.

Today I consider my condition, my brilliant burden.

Brilliant because of the capacity of creativity and output that I can achieve and for the courage I have and a burden because there are those days where I cannot get out of bed, yet I force myself or experiences crippling anxiety.

I have had to learn to accept myself, let go of the shame just like someone would accept a diagnosis of Diabetes. My favourite response when you tell people you are in a depression is “why don’t you go volunteer somewhere or go to the gym.

I have lost many people to mental illness along the way and the suicide rate is the highest it’s ever been in the world. I believe it’s because we don’t talk about it enough. Especially high-profile leaders who are scared to. I want to inspire other figureheads to come forward and talk about it and tell their story. It is possible to have a fantastic career and solid family life with children with this condition. It is possible to find the light in the darkness with the support and help of your SOS mastermind group and adopt a certain lifestyle. It’s also okay to not be ok.