My mom finally gave birth to me in 1960, after losing two sets of twins, a boy and a girl — I guess that is why they named me ‘Joy’.
I did my schooling in Kimberley but I was not fond of learning. My mom realized that Commercial School would be best for me as I loved Typing and Shorthand, etc. I met my husband of 36 years when I was around 15 years old. After marriage, we lived in Cape Town and I worked for various corporate companies. This was before my children were born. I then did temporary work which allowed me to still bring in an income, look after my children and learn how to become confident and versatile in my secretarial world. Lots transpired and my husband at the time took up a job offer in King William’s Town in the Eastern Cape. We relocated, faced many challenges along the way and after 36 years of marriage, we got divorced and I moved to East London with my two children, where I started my new life. Lots happened in this time before my son Dylan was diagnosed in 2012 with cancer.
Two years after Dylan’s passing, I knew that doing what he loved most would heal me as I longed for him terribly. I never thought that when I said I would follow his journey and carry on living his dream that my life would be like it is now. Following through with deejay school and sharing my love for music at age 62, while keeping Dylan’s memory alive, has been my best decision ever. So many hugs, photographs and tears coupled with immense ‘joy’ and having my soul filled with copious amounts of love from all ages.
If you see a picture of my son, you will know why it makes my heart very happy to follow his journey after his passing. His positive attitude in life, fun loving personality and ability to play great sport was such a great attribute for him to have.
When Dylan was incorrectly diagnosed with a pulled muscle/hernia I never expected to hear the worst from the Doctor who called me at work and told me that my son had a tumour on his liver. I broke down at work and had to go home and share this devastating news with Dylan. I have never prayed so hard for guidance to use the correct words to relay this heartache to him.
My whole world spun out of control! His attitude shocked me as he was so calm. He suggested that, instead of me crying, we hit golf balls at the driving range together and then go for a walk on the beach. How amazing was this after you have just been told that you have cancer? That walk on the beach was so hard for me and hitting those golf balls – already then, I noticed his energy level was low. Mentally, he was so strong, and I guess this was the right time for me to up my game emotionally and show him the same strength and support.
What followed was trying to arrange funds to get him to Cape Town to see a Professor who specialised in liver cancer. It was accommodation for me and flights for us both, which a close friend had kindly agreed to pay for. It’s so weird how your body kicks into survival mode.
I was unable to get time off from work at that time and Dylan flew to Cape Town where he stayed with a friend. Two days later his dad and I met up with him at the hospital discussing the way forward.
We had a wonderful specialist surgeon who explained the procedure in detail. Then it was time to compose myself and wait for the day when I had to go to the hospital to be at his side. That was just the start of his journey. I prefer not to go into too much detail but all I can say is that the hospital staff were amazing with him and made me feel so welcome every day. I hated seeing all those tubes coming out of his body, but I went home to family where I could off load the anguishes and tears of the day that I had bottled up. We returned home after two weeks and I continued to be the very supportive strong mom although I was breaking down inside.
Dylan had to undergo another operation in the next few months as the cancer had spread. He refused to take any chemotherapy or radiation as he wanted to enjoy some quality of life and not be sick every day. His dad didn’t speak to him for a while as he was unhappy with his choice. I had to let him choose what to do with his own body. I had such amazing support from special people in my life. One friend chose not to get presents for her 50th birthday but asked her friends to put a donation in an envelope for Dylan, so she could get him what he wanted just to lift his spirits. One of the gifts was a course to study music and learn how to deejay as this was number one on his list of goals. He loved this and it took the focus away from the reality of the situation. When we went to the music institution in East London, deejays were showcasing their skills for the students doing this course. I was chatting to the one deejay and mentioned in passing the storm that Dylan was facing. Suddenly he was arranging to fly Dylan to Cape Town to see a Naturist Doctor. I felt such excitement as there was always a glimmer of hope shining in my eyes that Dylan’s journey would be healed. On our way home, I broke the news to Dylan that he would be flying to Cape Town stay in a hotel and then with his favourite musicians while he was getting treatment. I had to pack him up and off he went with great excitement.
It was a few weeks of anxious moments with doctors calling to find out more about Dylan’s lifestyle, thereafter suggesting treatment to be administered to him. After a month or so Dylan returned home to me and I stayed positive for him. Every day it was getting harder to face the reality that this liver cancer was getting the better of him.
I received a letter from the Oncologist to say that Dylan has a year to live. I tore up that letter and nobody ever knew about it. He slowly but surely got weaker and his desire to go out to be with friends changed and he distanced himself from them.
As fate would have it, in 2015 that I got a message from a man in Johannesburg to say that he heard about me from his wife before her passing. She was my cousin who I last saw when I was 12 years old. He flew me up to Joburg to meet him in April 2015. I fell in love with him and he flew Dylan and I up to Joburg in December 2015 to live with him and he promised to look after Dylan. Even though we do not live together or communicate anymore, I raise my hands to thank him as he came into my life at the right time and kept his promise. He had no children and treated Dylan like his own.
“The days got harder and the challenges tougher but that man’s support in my life, financially and emotionally, was like gold.”
Life is so strange. I sold my car and furniture in December 2015 and Dylan and I flew to Johannesburg. What I was about to face no one could have warned me in advance. Hospice became a huge part of our lives. Dylan’s cancer progressed, and he had to go to hospice to drain his liver but did not want me to leave his side. He always wanted to come home every time. The days got harder and the challenges tougher but that man’s support in my life, financially and emotionally, was like gold.
I was in denial and never spoke about the state of the cancer to Dylan and he never spoke to me about it. We just wanted to stay positive and I had to share my laughter and joyfulness with him. He would ask me to put his laptop in front of him, so he could see what his friends were up to on social media and then we would have a good laugh. He was getting so thin and he did not want to see people. But I would sometimes have to tell a white lie for his close friends to see him.
The oncologist from Hospice would visit Dylan more regularly. I remember the visits, but I remained in denial that my son was dying. When Dylan collapsed next to his bed one day, I realised that I had to move into his room to look after him. This took its toll on me, but I never let Dylan see my crying. The caring for him now became harder for me but the support of my partner was amazing. I knew my time with my son was very limited. In June 2016 Dylan closed his eyes as he lay in bed, with me by his side. I never heard his strained breathing and realised he had passed on. After months of processing his loss I realised how music gave me comfort.
One day, as I was listening to my favourite radio station, I heard one of the guys I know do a mix on air. Just at the mere mention of me longing to do the same, I was invited to see the Music Institute. I realised I was going to continue following Dylan’s dream and I signed up. Since then, the most amazing things have happened in my life and I am just keeping his memory alive.
I have met the most amazing deejays and musicians who are following my journey and who give me so much love and support. In 2022 I was asked to open the Musical Festival H 20 in honour of Dylan which was such fun. I was filmed by Carte Blanche at the same time. It was a whirlwind of a weekend and the hugs and love I got was extremely overwhelming for me, but I loved every minute.
I am the granny in the front row always! I love going to events and festivals to see the deejays and support them. I just have fun with the youth and whoever is there dancing with me. People find me unique as there are not too many 62-year olds doing what I am doing and having such fun. I love deejaying at a local Gin Eatery in Johannesburg where the patrons love my sets and request videos of me. They are surprised to hear the music I play and to see me having fun behind the decks.
I deejayed for a Corporate company at Sun City which was another highlight in my life. I am grateful to everybody who has believed in me and who has walked my life with me from my daughter, family, colleagues, friends and millennials. The love and support I get fills my soul.
I always keep my head held high and strive to be the best I can be. I have a great network of amazing people in my world and I love waking up to be on the busy road to my corporate job with a Real Estate Company where I am an Admin Assistant to three agents. I also love sharing my excitement of my journey with my special colleagues and bosses.
Look out for me! I am ready to take on the world as I believe that age is just a number. I have so much to learn and can’t wait to see what else the Universe has to offer me. I am ready to share Joy with the world!
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