Remembering a Person’s Name will Get You Everywhere

Have you ever taken a moment to ask a person’s name when you travel? The air hostess who brought you a glass of water on a long-haul flight when you couldn’t sleep or the concierge who found you a ticket for Taylor Swift’s show when all booking sites said ‘Sold Out’? No matter where you travel and whom you meet, you will strike the right note from the start when you address people by their names.

The author of How to Make Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie, said: “A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.”

Remembering the names of the people you come across will open doors that you cannot imagine. On safari at the delightful Londolozi in South Africa, I made a note on my phone of the names of the game ranger, tracker, camp manager, chef, cleaner, gardener and everyone whom I met. Just imagine the smiles I got when I could say: “Good Morning, Alfred, how are you?” And certainly not only smiles, extra attention, extra friendliness and, best of all, an extra portion of the delicious dessert at night!

Jokes aside, the staff at Londolozi go out of their way to make guests feel welcome, but as a communications coach, I realise the importance of names and I’ve therefore acquired the habit of using a person’s name in conversation.

When you meet people along the journey and you’re introduced, you will make a better first impression if you say: “Marion, that’s a lovely name, nice to meet you,” or “Nice to meet you, Adair!” By saying his or her name out loud, you will also remember it easier. Maybe you could add: “Do I pronounce it correctly?” The added advantage of saying something about the person’s name is that it offers you an opportunity to make small talk.

I recently read that one of the UK’s leading Law Schools, BPP University Law School, did a study that showed that 44% of 18 to 24-year-olds are more comfortable using digital devices to talk to people than speaking face-to-face. Subsequently, they’ve introduced a course in small talk that teaches practical conversation tools to help students build business relationships.

I was at first surprised that people need to be taught how to make small talk, however, uneasiness in social communication is a reality – especially after the pandemic. I’ve worked with a highly successful manager at an international company who after a relatively short period became a truly accomplished speaker. One day, during lockdown he called me and said: “Mariette, I don’t know how it happened but I’ve developed a stammer.” The reason became evident when he told me that before the pandemic, he got dressed in the morning, put on his suit, a pair of good shoes and when he walked in at reception, the person behind the counter would look up and say: “Good morning, Mr Smith, how are you?” By staying at home, wearing T-shirts, tracksuit pants and mostly no shoes for the endless hours of virtual meetings, his selfesteem dwindled to such an extent that he didn’t feel as if he had anything of importance to say.

A good, strong voice begins in your feet.

Yes, in that pair of proper shoes you’re wearing and the way you carry your body. And when you’re travelling, your voice begins in your hiking boots! You’re laughing? A confident voice needs steady feet and legs that can stride, shoulders that are open and strong and a chin that’s lifted to look the world in the eye – there you are, now begin your sentences with a name, i.e. ‘Tom, I saw you at the river this afternoon, did you spot anything?’

This technique is especially effective in a business meeting when you want to say something but don’t know how to interrupt. You could say, ‘Susan, what you’ve just said is true, I’d like to add…’ or ‘Peter, may I come in there…’

Remembering and using someone’s name after you’ve met them shows that you took notice of them, they’ll immediately feel a connection and become more receptive and more friendly.

What’s in a name? Everything. And that’s why I make an extra effort to remember names and use them whenever I can.

I believe speakers are made, not born. Public speaking is a skill and like any other skill, can be acquired. Women often tell me that their voices seem extra soft, high pitched and thin when they are in the company of a man or a group of men. That is to be expected. Our voices are higher pitched because our vocal folds are normally shorter and thinner than those of our male counterparts which means they vibrate at a faster frequency thus producing a higher note. The male vocal folds, on the other hand, are longer and thicker which make them vibrate at a slower rate, thus producing a lower note or tone.

Here are a few tips to make your voice sound more authoritative when you need it, either when you chair a meeting or when you want to make ‘Darling’ understand that you need him to put out the bins. Our voices are formed in our throats and as you can appreciate there is not much space for the sound to be amplified. It is therefore important to bring your voice forward into the beautiful resonance chamber – your mouth – where the sound can be enriched. Try this exercise: Say ‘t-t-tttt’ and keep every sound separate and crisp like tapping on a tiny drum. Feel where the tip of your tongue taps directly behind your upper teeth. That is where your voice should be placed. The moment you manage to speak from your mouth and not from your throat, you will notice how much more rounded your voice sounds, how much more definition it has and how much more power.

Now, fill your stomach with a good breath and say in a strong voice: “Taste the words on the tip of my tongue.” Focus on the ‘t’ and ‘d’ sounds and concentrate on actually tasting the words on the tip of your tongue.

Don’t be disheartened, it’s not an easy fix, it took me several years to master this technique. It’s like learning to ride a bicycle. You will wobble in the beginning and maybe even fall, but once you find your balance and your new, resonated voice travels across the room, you’ll be able to speak up with confidence… when you deliver a speech, do a presentation, speak at your brother’s wedding or simply meet strangers along the way.

Your voice is your passport to success. Become aware of how you use it and enjoy the effect it has on people when you make eye contact and say: “Hey, Warren, I really appreciate what you did, Buddy, thanks!”

Mariette Richardson is a Public Performance Coach and a Digital & Creative Industries Ambassador for the Institute of Directors in the UK. Her book, “Free the Hidden Speaker Inside… How your Voice can make you money and give you the Life you Desire” has been nominated for Business Book Awards, 2021. www.marietterichardson.com or write to mr@marietterichardson.com