Low Libido

Have you ever felt like you would rather read a book or watch television instead of engaging in sexual activity? That’s probably because, like me, you have low libido.

Your sex drive is non-existent, and you want your sex life back the way it was a few years ago; a time when you were at the top of your game. Now unfortunately it feels more like a chore.

I decided to do some research because I wanted to stop faking orgasms. I wanted to feel the way intimacy should be felt with a partner. Research shows that this common issue of low libido is determined by both internal and external factors. One of them being that your hormones are out of sync or you have made poor lifestyle choices that contribute to the loss of sex drive. Your stress levels and certain medication also play a big role.

For new moms this is something you go through because you are dealing with low oestrogen levels.

You are producing a hormone called prolactin that stimulates breast milk production, which can further dampen your sexual desire. New moms are very aware of their post-baby bodies, which also affects their confidence in the bedroom. Breastfeeding can affect your sex drive too. Falling oestrogen levels making you feel more dry than usual and lowered progesterone lowers your libido.

Tips to help with low libido in couples who have just had a baby:

1. Make sure you are both keep the lines of communication open and are on the same page. During pregnancy and childbirth your body has gone through many changes and you need to accept that both your body and sex life will not just snap back into place. Give yourself time. Read articles together with your partner so they understand what you are going through and this may allow them to adjust their expectations.
2. Take breaks together, even if it’s only 2 or 3 hours, to make sure you are spending quality time together. You will be exhausted trying to handle baby, household, be a loving partner and everything in-between, so connecting is important. Plan mini vacations, spa time and coffee dates to make sure you stay connected as a couple.
3. Make time for touch. I read an interesting article that said that we lose touch because of the hormone oxytocin, the bonding chemical we release when we hug, make love… and breastfeed. “Directly after giving birth, the mother winds up getting her oxytocin from her child” Van Kirk explains. “I see couples disconnect, emotionally and physically.”
   

Start touching again even if it’s not intercourse because that takes a couple of weeks to get back on track. Add foot rubs, massages and some fun to your regular day.

For couples experiencing low libido for several other reasons, here are some tips:

1: Communication is key!

When you are not that into sexual activity like you were in the beginning, you tend to overthink reasons your partner isn’t attracted to you anymore. They most probably have low libido and are too embarrassed to explain or don’t even know that they have low libido.

2: Reconnect with each other.

We have so much happening in our lives, that we tend to lose touch. We need to get back to basics. Start going on date nights, be open about what you would like that gets you grooving in the bedroom and helps with your mood too.

3: Explore New Ways

Explore new ways and find different experiences to help with low libido. For example, toys and enhancements will assist in ramping up your engine and getting everything below tingling and playful.

Low libido is part of our lives. We just need to educate ourselves and figure out what works for us to make sure we don’t sit with this problem for years and miss out on living our best lives in the bedroom.

Leigh Ann Patel – Art of intimacy 082 829 8660 – leigh-ann@theartofintimacy.co.za