Gender Based Violence

Usually when you think of a school, you immediately think of a safe environment, a place where children go to learn, to have fun with friends and be kids Unfortunately this is not always the case in many young girls’ schooling careers. Gender Based Violence, assault and rape seem to be such adult concepts yet our youth, our young girls bear more brunt than they ever should.

Gender Based Violence is a very real threat to women and girls all over the world and schools, universities and colleges are no exception. School related Gender Based Violence cuts across every part of the world, regardless of geographic, cultural and economic barriers. This means that young girls and women all over the world are having to deal with sexual harrasment, abuse from teachers and peers, discrimination and other forms of violence while in school, a place that should be a safe space of learning.What do you think is the hardest part of going to school as a young female?

It is your every movement being sexualised and always being spoken about suggestively. It is dreading having your period at school and sitting through a class with terrible stomach cramps, that in that moment, feels like the worst pain you have ever felt. Knowing that your period is not a valid enough reason to stay off from school so most young girls just don’t come to school at all. Young girls are taught to believe the natural process they go through is something to be ashamed of. Schools can often be insensitive to the insecurities and sheer agony of menstruating girls. It is when the girls are dress coded before the boys are behaviour coded. We need to remember that young children are easily influenced and learn from their surroundings.

Anything they experience, witness or do that isn’t shown to them as wrong will be their normal. The abuse and violence will be normal. And so the vicious cycle continues as each generation grows up.

When I was in Grade 4, a boy a year older than me would bully me. When I reported him, the vice principal called us both into his office. When the vice principal asked the boy why he was doing what he was doing, his response was “I’m sorry sir, I have a crush on Courtney ‘’ he said it with a small smile as if it was normal and I should be flattered. I don’t understand how hurting someone and liking them was linked.

This type of behaviour is handled with a few detentions and an email to the parents. And not a conversation about how abuse does not mean affection. Whether a friendship, marriage, any kind of interaction with another person. And that is exactly how it was handled.

Nothing further was ever done to prevent more incidents like mine from happening. There are major gaps in accountability. Something that I feel is not mentioned enough is how abuse, being bullied, assault, Gender Based Violence can have such a heavy impact on your self image, self confidence, self worth, everything to do with your intrapersonal self. After being bullied all throughout primary school, experiencing my father’s abusive tendencies and witnessing my mom go through Gender Based Violence in her working environment, it altered my view on many things in my life. It altered my view on relationships, on my future, on my self identity.

All of my own personal experiences have left a permanent mark on who I am as a person standing in front of you today. My experiences of gender based violence and sexual harrassment has damaged me in many ways but also made me in so many more. Before I could have the confidence, bravery to be here I had to fight to heal, fight to be stronger, fight all the negative emotions I felt. And even still, there is so much more healing I have to do.

Having my mom by my side during my journey was the only reason I survived. And I believe all our young girls deserve to have that same support and care I had. And with all that in mind, how many school’s do you know of that teach their students and bring awareness to Gender Based Violence and assault. And I do not mean just wearing all black on the 25th of November and not talking about it again. I mean actively teaching their students how their actions have consequences, about the realities of the society they are growing up in. Probably not very many right?

We just hope that everyone is taught and knows right from wrong, but unfortunately it is not like that. Abusive behaviour, no matter the age, cannot be changed through passive measures, like a warning. We need to tackle it head on and use corrective measures, like workshops with male and female learners at schools, jobs etc, open discussions and education, if we want to see any change.

Change can only arise from action. I would like to share a quote said by Film Director Jane Campion “We are women, we are only half the world, but we gave birth to the whole world. No one on this planet should be ignorant of our views or our voices” All women have ever wanted and fought for is to be heard and appreciated. No matter our age we deserve to live a life not governed by expectations and limitations of fear and worry. We deserve to live a life that allows us to flourish and celebrates the beauty of being a female. Instead we live in a society where having a period is more disgusting than assault. Where girls are so careful of what we wear. If my outfit is too tight fitting I’m asking for it, not that I am confident and comfortable in my body. But if my clothes are looser and more baggy, I’m too covered up, I’m not proud to be feminine, I’m insecure. Being a woman no longer means being the entity who gave us each our lungs, heart and spine. It means being controlled, it means waiting for your turn, it means living in constant fear and torment.

Where our young victims are not believed, they are invalidated and are made to be ashamed of what they had to experience. To the point where so many of us believe our assault is not of a magnitude to be reported or even just spoken about. And we often forget that violence does not have to be physical to hurt. Any person who has suffered deserves a safe place to seek help and share their stories.

To be heard and know they matter. It is up to us as each individual to provide that. But how? By speaking about it and teaching it at schools is our first step at making any kind of change. School by definition is “an institution for educating children” Although you might not think that these issues can happen at schools, it is where it starts. We need to mould the minds that will lead our future. We have to keep the candle burning even if the lights are turned on. Flowers can bloom as long as you nurture them and care for them. We are the flowers and our society, our communities need to be the nurturer for us who have suffered.

So I encourage everyone. Victim or not. To talk about it. Start the conversation, spread the awareness and educate those around you of a new pandemic, that I believe is much worse than a covid or swine flu. A pandemic that is wiping out the innocence, freedom, happiness and livelihoods of young girls.